I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
