I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
