I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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