It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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