No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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