Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
