it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
