Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
