Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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