Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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