i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
