My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
