"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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