Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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