I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
