hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
