I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
