I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
