Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
