Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
