I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
