I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm like, not good at living.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
