oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
