Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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