I forgot how hot balto sounded
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
