My brain says no but my pants say off.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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