So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
