I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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