She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
