I can tuck mytits in my pants
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
