last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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