Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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