if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
