So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
