Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
