So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was like eating out sand paper
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
