I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
