I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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