when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
