i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
