East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
