I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
