If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
