I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
