I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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