I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
