if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
