This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
