Me too!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
