my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
