im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
