For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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